My brain revealed one of the many facets of Facebook’s fluid effect on humanity. I call it the best friend factor. Cool name right? I was walking Lu tonight, deep in thought about whether or not I should pick up her poop, when a different train of thought occurred: ‘pay back’s a bitch world -> don’t hate me if you see me from across the street, guy -> that stinks -> I don’t have a bag anyway, even if I weren’t out for payback -> every time I get irritated at something trivial, its probably because some unlucky person just stepped in a pile of Lucille’s shit and it fucked up their day -> it’s harder to have best friends now that you share every great thought you have with a gazzillion people on Facebook instead or calling your best friend and telling them about it -> gotta post this to Facebook.’ Then I walked around baffling myself for a while with the ins and outs of thought in general, which got weird, and then I settled back into the Facebook thing.
Two things to consider: thoughts are often fluid and irrational, and I’m not a scientist.
Best friendships are difficult, and they shift around some. You’re a lucky one to have the same best friend your whole life. On the other hand, best friends are usually pretty stupid once you know your best friend enough to know how stupid they’re being. So sometimes you’re like, “fuck this dickwad,” but time after time the thread that holds that bestness together is your constant nostalgic connection to all the shit that has happened to the both of you in the past. The inside joke. The stupidest shit ever that is ONLYYYYY funny to the friend you shared it with. All of sudden I’m realizing that while that concept still exists to a point, it has unsuspectedly degraded into the meager satisfaction of opting to settle for a post about something and getting a few likes, as opposed to having a good old laugh attack. No interaction, no moment, no best friend fabric, no shit. Thanks Facebook, now I’ve been dooped into thinking that friends are a dime a dozen and that BEST friends aren’t really THATTTTTT important. Facebook you trickster.
Moving past the abolition of best-friendism (a staple of humanity), Facebook has begun to fuck with new-friendism too: After years and years of expressing yourself painfully more than less via Facebook, we’ve reached a point where our face to face social interactions may begin to suffer due to our comfort with having the time to rethink something before expressing it. I’m limiting this to people who didn’t grow up with Facebook, who existed for at least a few years during childhood before the Facebook/internet thing; we KNOWWWW the face to face social interactions of kids who grew up on Facebook already suffer. There’s got to be a point where you begin to rely so heavily on double and triple thinking your thoughts and expressions that, out of insecurity, you hold your tongue in a face to face conversation, instead of engaging in dialogue and spouting out whatever bull shit thought pops into your head, and then TALKING your way to a shared logical conclusion when your statement demands exploration. By the time you’ve given it triple thought, the opening is gone and you’re left to forever chew the cud, or go home and throw down a heavy status update, which is usually a prettyyyyyyy sickkkkkkkkkk choice. And its even MORE OK because then usually that person you were thinking about talking with will think you’re pretty cool so they’ll friend you the next day and like the shit out of your heady status update from last night. I may be delusional, but also this shift may be pretty whack. Unfortunately for us, the photo, event, and overall information sharing aspects of Facebook are too valuable to abandon so we’re screwed. And by the way, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING TO BE YOURSELF VIA TEXT. Come on. If you’re not triple composing each text you send then you got some mad mental discipline, or you’re a one liner kind of person, but that has its own fucked up social implications too, so that doesn’t give you a pass. Do yourself a couple favors: call someone instead of posting to the book once in a while, and try to stop thinking in status updates. Hashtag thoughts are still cool as shit though.